Gangster Genius: Inside the Mind of Light Yagami
by Daisukeismyboyfriend
Summary: What's really going on in the mind of our favorite shinigami-haunted pal? Title sucks... Rated T for slight language. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Inside the Mind Of Light Yagami

**Gangster Genius: Inside the Mind Of Light Yagami**

**--**

**I just started to read Death Note, and I absolutely adore it. So I've decided to write this…it's a bit…er, raunchy, so I'm rating it PG-13 (T). Don't let your four-year-old cousin read this, 'kay?**

--

Everyone thinks that I'm a good kid.

Boy, are they wrong.

Not only do I randomly kill people, I also make potholders in my spare time, and illegally burn CDs.

That's right.

You'd better watch out.

Plus I have a shinigami at my disposal.

"I'm not at your disposal."

"I'll give you an apple if you get me some Pocky."

"Okay…"

--

Ryuk is so stupid.

He thought he could fly through walls.

"-runs into wall- MOVE, WALL!"

"Ryuk, it's not going to move."

"-turns- Why not?"

"It's a wall. Inanimate objects don't usually listen to verbal commands."

"Well _fine_ Mr. Perfect Score Kira Guy!"

"Well _fine_, Mr. Icky-Looking Shinigami!"

"-sob-That hurts…"

--

I'm so gangster.

Just everyone's in denial about my gangsterness.

--

L thinks he's a gangster.

The only thing he can say in gangsta-speak is y3770w.

"You best come with me, y3770w!"

"WTF?"

--

My dad is über stupid.

Yeah, über stupid. He's more than stupid.

Wouldn't _you_ notice if your son was a mass-murderer obsessed with killing all the criminals and becoming a demi-god?

"I wouldn't."

"Didn't ask you, L. Zark off."

--

L has dentures.

He lost all of his teeth from sugar…

…and a flesh-eating weasel attack.

I would've liked to watch that.

"-imagining-"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY, IDIOT!"

"Yes, it is."

--

L and I had hot lemonyness the other day.

It was very yaoi-liscious.

I think we had some fangirls videotaping the entire thing.

It was traumatic to my self-esteem.

--

Ryuk ate my last apple.

I got pissed.

So I wrote his name in the Death Note.

He didn't do anything, which sucked.

So I poked him repeatedly, and then suddenly he died.

Kewl!

--

I i5 5up3r g4n54h…8itc35! Oh snap, n00bs!

"-silence-"

--

n00blishious is the most awesome word EVER.

No one has been kewl enough to write it in the dictionary.

Except me.

"Light, what are you doing?"

"Defacing public property."

"Le gasp! How dare you…"

"-scribbles in Death Note-"

"…that's a federal offense you sho-dies-"

"Where was I…?"

--

I drove my sister insane.

It was kinda fun.

First I made Ryuk hide, then I made her touch the Death Note.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! WHAT MY GRANDMOTHER'S SOCKS IS IN MY ROOOOMMM?? LIIIIIIGGGHHHHTTTTTTT!!"

"Oh, that's just a shinigami. Seeya."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. Bye."

--

L is dumber than an Irish setter.

"I take offense to that."

"You were supposed to. Thanks."

"Dammit!"

"Yeah, L. That was just another illustration of your shtupidness."

"…What?"

--

Shtupidness is another awesome word that no one is kewl enough to write in the dictionary.

"Light, that word doesn't exist."

"Gasp, it's Raye Penber!"

--

Yeah, Raye Penber came back from the dead. He was all icky and decayed.

"You're all icky and decayed."

"Well, that's what happens when you're dead."

--

Then I remembered that he knew I was Kira…so I poked him repeatedly.

"What are you doing?"

"Poking you to death."

"I'm already dead, bastard!"

"Do I look like I care?"

"…No…"

"So die already!"

--

Poor Raye.

I cried at his re-funeral.

I was peeling onions for some reason.

--

L is a fish!

--

After I wrote that, people got mad at me.

Wow….L has fans…

That's a staggering concept for me…

"You're a staggering concept!"

"Your grandmother's socks!"

"…"

--

If I was an ice-cream flavour, I'd be cherry.

Why?

It's the colour of bllooooood.

I'm so morbid, it's not even funny.

"Yes, it is."

"-scribbles in Death Note-"

"No, don't kill me, I didn't really mean it…"

"Too late."

"-dies-"

"…Who was that, anyway?"

--

Ryuk thinks us humans are hilarious.

He can't seem to get the concept of vending machines.

Or vandalism.

Well, I'll introduce those subjects to him later on.

Muah, hua, hua, hua.

--

I do my evil laughs with commas.

It makes me seem more…intelligent.

Not that I need to be.

"You're dumber than a stick."

"Le gasp!"

" 'Le' gasp?"

"My thing. You steafed it."

--

Steafed is _another_ awesome word that's not in the dictionary yet.

I've got to go have a talk with Mr. Webster.

Is he the one who does all the funky definitions?

I mean, _everyone_ knows what "the" means.

"That's a very generalized statement."

"L, do I look like I care? At all?"

"Point taken."

--

I have a Zwinky.

Now I can talk to virtual hot babes!

"-reads- 'Dear LightKira21, I love your avatar. Let's have a virtual marriage.'"

"Wow. You're popular."

"Well, L, that's what happens when you get a hunky Zwinky avatar. The ladies fall all over you."

"Er…-points-"

"-reads- 'I'm fifty-eight years old but look forty-seven.'"

"…"

"Oh, GOD!"

--

I was listening to angsty music the other day.

Ryuk was sad that I don't like gangsta rap.

Then L put on Panic! At the Disco.

I threw a total diva fit.

"What's _this?!_ I want a purple Fanta with one and a half ice cubes in a Styrofoam cup with piggies on the side. NOW, UNDERLING!"

--

L was afraid of me.

Or maybe he was just too buzzed on sugar to notice that I was looking up his real name on the Internet.

I found some…_interesting_ sites, if you catch my drift…

…seems like L has some other, better-paying pastimes…

"WHAT?!"

--

**Was it okay?**

**Please review for a Death Note n00b…**

…**I give air-flavoured Pocky and imaginary hugs!**

**Just in case anyone's wondering, Pretty. Odd., the new album by Panic at the Disco, is absolutely fantastic. I adore it. Especially the songs Behind the Sea, She's A Handsome Woman, Mad as Rabbits, and 9 in the Afternoon. Listen to them for kudos.**

**-blake/aishiterustaggerlee/daisukeismyboyfriend**

**REVIEW, KUSO NEZUMI!!**

…**damn rat?**


	2. Boob!

Inside the Mind of Light Yagami…

Inside the Mind of Light Yagami…

Chapter 2!!

Woo-ski!

--

Oh, I couldn't keep this stuck in my mind any longer. It's just too…tempting…to make Light such an annoying prissy boy. Which he is, going on about how "righteous" he is and how he's a "model teenager". My foot, he's a model teenager. He _kills_ people in his spare time. Dude…what's wrong with him?

--

I bit L's laptop.

It was annoying me.

"What did it taste like?"

"Peaches."

"REALLY?!"

"No, Ryuk. It tasted like plastic."

"…oh…"

--

I am soooo shmexy.

--

I wonder what my fangirls would do if I dyed my hair purple?

"They'd attack you."

"Thanks for the ego boost, L."

"…darn."

--

L's so stupid.

Shtupid, I mean.

"WHAT THE HELL!? WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME LIKE THAT?!"

"Whoa, man, watch the caps lock."

"THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!"

--

L attacked me with his toothbrush.

It was a very traumatizing experience.

I had nightmares for a week.

"Come on…it wasn't that bad…"

"There was frickin' _blood_ on the toothbrush."

"You're just morbid like that!"

"L…you really need to go see a dentist."

--

Turns out L is terrified of dentists.

This calls for an evil laugh.

Muah, hua, hua, hua.

"There you go with the commas again! That's so incredibly stupid!"

"-scribbles in Death Note-"

"Noooo! I'm Raye Pennnbeeeer…-dies-"

"Oops."

--

Yeah, so I killed Raye whats-his-face three times.

_Three._

That is just an example of my great pwning skillage.

--

What does pwning mean, anyway?

"It means "owning"."

"DIDN'T ASK YOU, L."

"Well soorrrryyy, Mr. Chief Kira Suspect Perfect Scores College Guy!"

"Oh yeah, Mr. Sugar Obsessed Freaky-Eyed Evil Detective Transvestite!"

"-sob- Why do you hurt me in this way, Light?"

--

My real name is Moon Unit.

My parents were too afraid that I'd be arrested if I was named that, so they decided on Light for short.

Light Moon Unit Middle Name Yagami.

Is that not awesome?

"…Yes."

--

L is such a boob.

"Don't go there…"

"I went there! Oh SNAP!"

--

After we were done insulting each other, we had hot yaoi lemonyness.

The fangirls didn't get the memo, though, so my self-esteem was okay.

That is, until my dad came in.

"Hi Light- WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Oh. Yeah. Well, Dad, this is L, my yaoi lemon-sharer."

"Okay. That's fine. Dinner's ready, in case you're hungry."

--

I love spring rolls.

They love me back.

"How can they love you back? They're inanimate objects!"

"SHUT UP, L."

--

L keeps butting into my conversations.

…

I said butt!

"You're such a juvenile delinquent."

"Stop speaking Martian, boob."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!!"  
--

I have a ghetto camera.

It's almost six years old.

It takes FILM.

That's right. FILM.

"Do you have to put 'film' in capitals every single time you say it?"

"Why yes, L. Yes, I do. Now do the world a favor and zark off."

"…okay."

--

Ryuk suffered from apple withdrawal.

It was hilarious.

"Light! I'm somehow defying gravity!"

"Cool. Maybe it's because of the things on your back called wings."

"…oh yeah."

--

Not only was he amusing, he was STUPID for the entire week.

"Three plus six."

"Er…Uh…Don't tell me. No hints. Eh…Er…Come on, I can do this, I can do this…don't tell me…DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DOOOOTHISSSSS!! …Okay, tell me."

"Nine, dimwit."

"DAMMIT!"

--

My mom threw a fit when she cleaned my room.

Partly because my desk blew up when she tried to look underneath my "diary".

Luckily I had the Death Note with me.

I was busy killing people.

"Do you seriously _enjoy _that?"

"Yeah. Why? Does the idea of murdering random criminals in cold blood not appeal to you?"

"-barfs in toilet- No."

"…I see."

--

Watari freaks me out.

First of all, he's _old_.

"I'm not _that_ old!"

"Then what are those? –points to wrinkles-"

"…Premature aging?"

"Riiiiight."

--

I enjoy arguing with random people.

It elevates my self-esteem.

"You there! Yes, you! Aren't you annoyed with your life-style?"

"…Why yes, I am!"

"Well, screw you! –walks off-"

"Wait…what?!"

--

"…"

--

L reminds me of a panda.

A skinny, sugar-eating, annoying as hell, bastard panda.

"Hey!"

--

I enjoy participating in illegal activities.

It brings pizzazz to my life.

"Oh, yeah, Light, we're holding up a 7/11 tommorrow."

"Yay! Illegal-ness!"

--

"When I am king, you will be first against the wall…"

Radiohead wrote that for me.

I feel so über special.

Teh!

"That's not a word, dumbass!"

"Sorry, _**boob**_."

"WHY?!"

--

Fangirls are God's gift to bishounen and animecons.

We love them.

Just not that much.

"Speak for yourself, Light."

"Sorry, L. You don't have any fangirls, do you?"

"…I'm not even going to answer that."

--

I enjoy needling L.

Not with the thing from Halo 3.

With my verbal evilness.

"Boob. Boob. BOOB. **BOOB."**

"STOOOPPP IT!!"

--

Poor L.

I feel absolutely no sympathy for him whatsoever.

But that doesn't mean I can't act.

--

Chestnuts are awesome.

"You have a dirty mind."

"You were thinking the same thing, L."

"…crap…"

--

Ryuk got over his apple thing, and now he's into pears.

I'm looking forward to what'll happen when we run out of _those_.

Oooh boy.

--

One day, the police came over to my house.

The Po-po!

The Po-po are my friends!

…Well, usually.

This time, they arrested me for burning illegal CDs.

"That's a bad crime, dude."

"Know what's worse?"

"What?"

"I'm Kira."

"Riiiight. And I'm Puff the Magic Dragon."

--

I wonder where L gets all his sweets.

"They come from the space-time continuum."

"Boob!"

"STOP HARRASSING ME!!"

--

WATER BUFFALO STINKY!

--

**How…was…that? **

**I wrote it in about an hour…and got sidetracked about halfway through…and listened to a Kelly Clarkson song that burned my ears out of my skull. Bleh.**

**Next installment:**

**Will Light ever get over his infatuation with chestnuts? Will L stop being a boob? Will Ryuk continue to run into inanimate objects? Will Watari ever change his name to Fishbiscuits Sheryl? **

**WHO KNOWS? **

'**Cause I don't.**


	3. Turnips

Inside the Mind of Light Yagami 3

**Inside the Mind of Light Yagami 3**

**This is just getting better and better, honestly. You have no idea how happy this fic makes me, after getting home from school and having to put up with my little sister…ah, some nice L and/or Light bashing. Fun fun!**

--

Misa-Misa is my girlfriend.

Now no fangirl can attack me…

Misa will eat their brains with a spoon.

Or break their face.

"Y'know, Light, I could just kill them…"

"Oh yeah…well, you can do that too."

--

My sister got mad at me for swearing.

"You suck, b--!"

"Le gasp! How dare you use such raunchy language, big brother!?"

She actually called me "Big brother."

NOBODY says that.

Well, except for the dude's little sister in Legend of Zelda: Windwaker.

But…that doesn't really count, now does it?

--

Rem and Ryuk are so freakadelic.

(Yup, that's another word that needs to be in the dictionary.)

They're emo shinigami.

"Light, all shinigami are emo."

"AHH! EMO ALERT! EMO ALERT! –cowers-"

"…You scare me sometimes."

--

You know how L always holds cell phones with two fingers?

Maybe he's germophobic.

"I am NOT germophobic or whatever."

"What's that in your hand? PURELL! EUREKA!"

"…"

--

I enjoy shocking people.

It brings pizzazz to my lifestyle.

--

I think the real reason L chained us together was because he wanted more fangirls.

Boy, did he get some.

But they were yaoi fangirls, so his self-esteem went down.

"Did not."

"Do you really want me to call you the accursed word?"

"…No."

"Ha, I'll do it anyway, boob."

"IT BURNS!!"

--

Grocery shopping.

It's just awesome like that.

--

Does Rem like the band REM?

Dun dun dunnnn…

We may never know.

"You are _really_ bored right now, aren't you?"

"Why yes, L, what an acute observation."

"I know what's coming."

"FISH STICKS!"

"…or not…"

--

Ryuk ran into a grocery store the other day.

He bounced off the window and squashed some random innocent child.

'Twas hilarity beyond description.

"That child hurt me butt."

"…Sucks for you, Ryuk."

--

One day, I saw L and Misa making out.

I was all like, "No way, bi-atch!"

And L was like, "You want somma dis?"

And then I was like, "Bring it."

Then we had kung-fu ninja action.

It was _shweetness._

--

OMGWTFBRBROFLTNTAWOLMIALOLBBQ!

Speaking of BBQ…

"Chips, right?"

"…chips?"

"Yeah. Aren't you the only one in your family who eats BBQ flavored chips?"

"How dare you accuse me of such a sin!"

"…But…but…"

"Go away, L. Go away from here and never come back."

"-sob-"

"That's right."

--

I scare people sometimes.

"I wonder why, Light. You randomly kill people, you illegally burn CDs, and you call me a boob."

"Well, that and I'm also a self-confessed pervert."

"WHAT?!"

--

Eep! Don't touch me there,

This is my personal square.

R-A-P-E, get your hands away from me.

"What?"

--

I'm so gangster that everyone's just in awe about my gangsterness.

If I told them how gangster I was, I'd be on Yo Momma in a second.

"You suck, Light."

"-sob- BLEH!"

--

I love to underline things…it fills my life with joy, bunnies, and lots of erasers.

Oh, and shinigami, too.

--

I killed Raye Penber again.

He snuck up on me.

Can't you sympathize with me?

Have you ever had a worm-eaten corpse try to strangle you?

"No."

"Well, you'd kill them too."

--

Ramen is the food of the gods.

I adore it.

I eat it so much, I have ramen-flavoured breath.

Check it.

"Whoa…it really does smell like ramen."

"That's right, Misa. Aren't you in awe?"

"Er, not really…"

"But my kisses taste like pork broth!"

"That's cool. But no thanks."

--

Misa is a zombie.

She randomly decided to get eaten by something, and then pulled a Raye Penber on me.

"RAWR."

"DIE, MONSTER, DIIIIEEEE!!"

"…-dies-"

"Oh, wait, it's Misa. Oops."

--

Mooooogeta!!

--

If I was a bagel, I'd be an Everything.

Because I had everything on me.

Eheh, eheh, eheh.

…

"That made no sense, you know."

"Well it did to me!"

"…Whatever."

--

One day, I gave L coffee for breakfast.

And lunch.

And tea.

And dinner.

"OHHHH MYYY GOOODDD LIGHT! LIGHT! LET'S GO EAT PAAAASTRYYYYYYY!! APPLES! TOMATOES! CHERRIES! WATARI IS MY SECRET BOOOYYYFRREIIINNDDD!! BY NELLIES FINGERTIPS I LIKE WALRUSES!!"

"…Okay then."

--

I am what the experts call "easily amused."

I get amused easily.

Like the time I pilfered from Mello's secret chocolatey stash of chocolateness.

Or the time that I told Misa I'd make out with her, but instead dressed L up as me and stuck him in the same room with Misa for an hour.

Or the time that…um, let's not talk about that.

"What did you do, Light?"

"I borrowed 50000 yen from my dad to buy a mini TV."

"So?"

"Then I threw it out about an hour after I bought it."

"WASTER. WASTER. WASTER OF YEN."

--

D.J. Bananashorts is my club name.

I was going to be DJ Moon Unit, but that got rejected 'cause I'd get arrested.

Which would majorly suck.

--

I pwn u! g4n5t3rn3ss! 0 sn4p! sk1774ge!eleven!!1!11!!eleven!!1!!1!!111!!

--

"Eleven?"

--

Me and L had hot yaoi lemonyness again.

The fangirls completely lost interest with us after reading a Gravitation fic, so my self-esteem stayed the same.

I was kinda disappointed no one cared…

"I cared."

"You don't count, L."

--

I'm too shmexy for my shirt.

To shmexy for my shirt.

So shmexy it huuuurts.

"What?"

"That's what she said!"

"…"

--

L thinks I'm crazy.

Well, that's just _fantastic._

Note the sarcastic italicness.

"What sarcastic italics?"

"Go away, Ryuk."

--

Aiber.

The con artist.

He is my über idol.

"Über idol?"

"Yeah, like American Idol except with German attached."

"I…see?"

--

I am a comma fiend.

,.

Is that not amazingness?

Is that not…_shmexyness?!_

"Why the hell do you have to put "hm" in front of sexiness every time you say it?"

"Because I'm not a pervert."

"You said you were a self-confessed pervert a couple paragraphs ago!"

"Er…I forgot?"

"Riiiiight."

--

Muah, hua, hua, hua, hua, hua.

I'm bossssss.

"…"

--

I bought a stuffed walrus at a garage sale. (AN: Really, I did. It's awesome.)

His name is Creamsicle.

He is my soulmate.

"Your soulmate is a stuffed walrus you bought at a garage sale that makes walrusy noises whenever you poke it?"

"Why yes."

"SHTUPIDNESS."

--

Gasp!

L used my word!

TAKE THAT, WEBSTER!

--

So y'know when L and I were handcuffed together?

It was a fangirl's DREAM.

Oh, the shmexyness of me and my extraordinarily shmexy perfectly placed hair.

And the somewhat ickyness of L.

"What the- Hey!"

"Boob."

"-dies-"

--

I killed L.

That's right.

But then Watari used the Dragon Ball Z thingy where a ball of light attacks the other guy and involves a lot of manly chanting, and he came back to life.

It doesn't make much sense.

But it involved a pretty cool light show.

And popcorn.

"Popcorn?"

"Yes, popcorn, Misa. Popcorn."

"I…see…"

--

Misa broke up with me.

I cried for, like, three seconds.

Then it was, like, _so_ three seconds ago.

"…Poser."

--

English muffin!

--

…**Eheh…**

**Yeah, that was fun. Review for Pocky and yumminess.**

**Hugs to all reviewers…**

**6 pages of shtupidness. Yeah!**

**--**


	4. What?

**Inside the Mind of Light Yagami…**

**Fourth chapter.**

**I'm still not really sure why I'm writing this, and not the epic multi-chaptered shounen-ai that I'm writing for DNAngel.**

**I want to write something about Mello, from his point of view, once I've actually finished the series, since I currently only know who Matt is from the How To Read 13 book. Tons of spoilers, sob sob. **

**The Inside The Mind Of… by Teh Future Ms. Kyo Sohma is pretty darn awesome too. Read that for more perversion, if I tried to write it I'd feel bleh afterwards.**

**READ ON!**

**(edit: I'm really, really, really, really sorry that I haven't updated any of my stories in, like, ever. Don't worry, the plot bunnies are still biting, and I'll be putting up more chapters soon. Enjoy the double-update.)**

--

Mello is soooo lame.

How are you supposed to be "evil" if you're chewing on a chocolate bar?

"Shut up."

"-eyes gun- I see, so that's how you do it."

"Yeah. Now give me back my chocolate."

--

So one day Misa was _all_ over me, like usual.

Ryuk was laughing his head off, like usual.

I was an oh-so-shmexy serial killer, like usual.

And L was dead.

"-sob-"

"Oh, get over it, Near. Sissy."

--

Near _is_ a sissy.

He just plays with his Transformers robots all day and talks smartly.

"Do noooot…!"

"…You just dissed yourself."

"SHTUPIDNESS."

--

YES!

Chalk another point up for Light Yagami, Webster!

--

L is soooo dead.

Literally.

"You're spoiling it! That was a plot twist!"

"WTFSTFUOMGBBQ?!"

--

L came back to life, I guess.

'Cause Rem's all magic and stuff, he can do that.

"I'm a _she_."

"Riiiiiight. Whatever you say."

--

Rem's really a boy.

She's just denying it.

--

MELLO IS A WOMAN!

"Are you gender-confused or something?"

"Maybe I am! Wanna take this outside, punk?"

"Matt…he's scaring me…"

"Nnn…"

--

STFU.

It's my new favorite acronym.

'Cept, I, being as shmexy as I am, say it "Stufu." Ooooh snapness.

"So, Light, how was your da-"

"STFU!"

"…"

"Did you kill any-"

"STFU!"

"Are you really Kira or are you just cross-"

"**STFU!!"**

--

Ah, the beauty of Matt playing MarioKart.

"LOMG! GO MARIOOOO!! No, his RIGHT side, moron! RIGHT! Shtupidness! WHY DID YOU CRASH INTO THE LAVA?! ARE YOU A SUICIDAL PLUMBER?!"

"…And how much sugar did we have this morning?"

"Oh, only about three cups of coffee. No biggee. MAAARRIIOOOO!! WHAT THE HELL?! LEAN! LEAAANN!!"

"…;"

--

"-reading an email- It was GANGSTA shtupidness. You so totally had to be there. X. D. X. D. Exclamation point. 1. Exclamation point."

"Is this _always_ how you read emails, Near?"

"…Yes?"

"SHTUPIDNESS."

--

The next day, I looked in a dictionary.

Gasp!

My word was there!

With a fancy definition and everything!

W00t!

_Shtupidness:_ (adj) 1. the act of being stupid in a gangster-like manner. 2. Light Moon Unit Middle Name Yagami.

--

I was soooo pissed.

So I took my gangster self over to Webster's villa and beat him up.

With an alarm clock.

It was _true shweetness_.

--

Mello thinks that scar makes him look all shmexy.

He's right.

…

"Wow. A compliment from dear old Kira."

--

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!

"…Are you really doing the Soulja Boi dance?"

"Why yes I am. It's just another example of my pure shmexyness."

"Riiiiiiiight."

--

ICE CREAM GET!

--

Mello must be fat from eating all that chocolate.

Maybe he wears Spanx.

So he can fit in his leather skivvies.

"I take über offense to that."

"I don't care, leather-wearing mobster meanie!"

"-shoots-"

"Gahk! What'd you do that for?"

"You insulted me."

--

When I was in college, they voted me "Most Likely To Become A Deranged Mass-Murderer."

Whaddya know?

"They voted me 'Most Likely To Be L'."

"Wow…smart people…"

--

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

That's my motto.

"My motto's 'Give me apples, or I'll kill you.'"  
"That's nice, Ryuk."

--

So one day, I stole ALL of Mello's chocolate.

He threw a total mobster hissy fit.

"-shoots gun- WHERE THE HELL IS MY CHOCOLATE? –shoots ceiling- GIVE ME CHOCOLATE! –shoots wall- URAAAYYYAAAAAHHH!!"

I sent the video to America's Funniest Home Videos, but they wouldn't air it 'cause Mello was speaking Japanese.

Have they ever heard of subtitles? Hellloooo?!

--

I have two separate lives.

I'm the awesome Kira, and I'm an awesome cashier.

I bet you didn't know I worked at Wendy's!

"…You work at Wendy's?"

"Why yes, I do."

"SHTUPIDNESS."

--

How come shtupidness is the only word that I made up that anyone actually uses?

I will now become…

…EMO KIRA!!

"You can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm emo."

"STFU, Near. You're all white."

"If you took a picture of me and looked at the negative, I'd be all black."

"…So you're a negative emo?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Shweetness."

--

Mello tried to seduce me by giving me chocolate.

I was all like, "WTF?"

And Mello was all like, "STFU, I'm trying to seduce you,"

And I was all like, "LOMG, fangirls are going to attack us,"

And they did.

It was über scary.

And then L came back to life and vanquished them with his pwningness.

Of pwning.

Oh. Snap.

--

When I grow up, I'm going to be the IATOLLA!

"…"

"…"

"Epic fail."

--

Matt hurt me, deep inside.

It makes me wanna cry.

I'm sorry for something.

"Why are you trying to quote that song?"

"Because…it's so…EMOTIONAL!!"

"LOMG!"

--

L just figured out that "emo" is short for "emotional".

Is that even right?

Who cares.

"I do."

"Near, you're a pathetic little slug who can be crushed by my Death-Note fueled boot."

"NYAAAHHH!!"

--

He siced his army of toy puppies on me.

I screamed like a small child.

Mello laughed at me.

"You…scream…so…hilariously! BUAHAHAHAH!"

"Your evil laughs are so blasé. Do it with _commas_."

"WTF? That's retarded."

"EPIC FAIL!!"

"Matt?"

--

I tried playing against Matt in MarioKart.

I got so pwned.

The stupid game didn't have a Death Note in it!

It totally ruined my day.

And my makeup.

--

Misa is getting on my nerves.

It's always Light this, Light that, Light OMG, Light ROFL…

Sigh.

But Mikami's worse.

"OMG GOD THAT'S SO AWESOME I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU HAVE MY UNDERWEAR THEYRE CLEAN I'LL DO YOUR LAUNDRY AND HANDWASH YOUR DELICATES PLEASE LET ME BECOME YOUR PROXY AS KIRA OMG OMG OMGLOLROFLBBQ I HEART YOU KIRA PLEASE HIRE ME TO BE YOUR POOL BOY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT UAH HUAHAHA IAHIAHA IA;LDKJF A;SLIDUFA ;OSI DJF;ASLDUFO AIERTG'RIWJGPOA REIJT'AOIROWA IJRE;'OAWI…"

". . ."

--

After Mikami went and tried to strangle Near for trying to kill me, I taught him Gangsta-speak.

"hawt pwnage, y3770w!"

"STOP SAYING THAT! AND STFU!"

--

Rem is a shmexy shinigami.

"STFU."

--

I was cut off in the middle of my rant!

How DARE thee, Mello!

The guy who carries the gun in the front of his pants!

The guy who's always eating oh-so-pwning chocolate!

The guy who has really cool leather clothes that I'd like to steal!

The guy who looks like a chick!

…

This calls for…

"Bua, bua, DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY…"

"Do you really want to die…again?"

"What? DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LAAAAADYYY…"

"-shoots-"

"-dies-"

"Thank God."

--

But then Misa did the pwning DragonBall Z thing and brought me back to life.

Take that, Mello!

--

Bua, hua, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That is pwning skillage, right thar.

"Thar?"

"Yes, Near. Thar."

--

EPIC FAIL.

--

**I have way too much time on my hands. Time that should be better spent doing my Western Civ project.**

**Ah well. I'll do it…later…**

**-grins-**

**Anyway! A fact about yours truly (because I feel like it…that's why…):**

**I luff to no end the doujinishi (probably spelled that wrong) by SilentReaper, aka MLE, on DeviantArt. Please check them out. My favorite one so far is the one where L shreds the Death Note pages…and causes mass uproar…-grins happily-**

**I also draw. A lot. Currently I'm working on a series called Forsaken (a series of drawings) and I'm up to number 9. Pretty cool stuff, if only I owned a scanner…**

**Author drabblings over, please review if you'd like some yumtastic air-flavoured Pocky.**

**-tsubasawomotsumono-**


	5. Strip MarioKart

**Inside the Mind of Light Yagami. Number…er…uh…five?**

**Nothing to say right here.**

**-panic-at-the-disco-XD-**

--

Matt's so…idiotic.

He spends all his time playing MarioKart.

Sometimes he plays Strip MarioKart.

Every time you lose a race, you have to take an article of clothing off.

I was naked in five minutes.

Matt lost a sock.

"I SO TOTALLY PWNED YOUR NON-GANGSTA ARSE!"

"STFU, BI-ATCH!"

--

What is it with those Wammy's House children?

You've got L with his sugar,

Near with his toys,

Mello with his chocoholicism,

Matt with his videogames,

And there's probably other psycho children there too.

"We're not psycho."

"Yet."

--

Mail?

What kind of name is that?

Mail _Jeevas_?

"Look, it wasn't my choice. Though it is a really good RPG game name…"

"…"

"Ah, well, it's not my choice what my parents named me."

"Re-heallly."

--

Then I showed him my pwning skillage at Yahtzee.

Damn, am I good at that.

"Another Yahtzee right THAR!"

"Damn you and your gangster pwningness…"

--

Y'know how Mello is ALWAYS eating chocolate?

Like, always?

I put laxatives in one of his chocolate bars.

"…I have to poo."

"…"

"-three hours later- You okay in there?"

"BASTARDS PUT LAXATIVES IN MY –urrghnnnnn- CHOCOLATE!!"

"…"

--

'Twas über shweetness.

--

L is secretly a French man-hoe, just he doesn't want anyone to know.

…

That rhymed.

"I am NOT a man-hoe."

"Look, L. They pay you for doing the _deed_. Therefore, you're a man-hoe."

"A hoe that's a man?"

"…Gardening tools?"

"Go away, small children. We must protect the virgin ears!"

"O…okay then."

--

I feel pretty…

Oh so pretty…

Oh so pretty and witty and gay!

Just so pretty…

Blah, blah, blah.

I feel charming,

Oh so charming,

I'm amazed at how charming I feel!

I was singing that song all day yesterday.

I got a couple funny looks.

But then I killed the funny look givers with the Death Note.

It was SHWEETNESS.

--

"Why do you use the word shweetness all the time?"

"I'm trying to get Webster to put it in the dictionary."

"Dude. He's dead."

"WHAT?!"

"You killed him last chapter with an alarm clock."

--

Craptastic.

NOW what am I going to do?

I know…

BECOME EMO KIRA!!

--

But then when I was getting all ready to become Emo Kira, Near walked in.

He was sooo pissed.

"What you doin' in my me-di-ciine cab-i-net, boi?"

"Becoming emo."

"You best geet your sorry arse away frum dis cab-i-net, chiiild."

"…Okay."

--

I started ripping pages out of the Death Note for no real reason yesterday.

It was awesome.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm…having fun."

"But you're killing trees!"

"Trees? Shmees."

"You…BOOB."

--

It was the moment of Boob-Callage.

I was soooo pissed.

So then I had to call L a boob right back at his sorry face.

"**BOOB SUPREME.**"

That's right, in bold, too.

He couldn't do anything against the amazing boldness.

Of bold.

--

I want caaandy…

"Chocolate?"

"Yes, Mello. Chocolate."

"-foams at the mouth- WHERE?"

". . ."

"I said, WHERE?!"

"Epic fail."

--

Mikami is my slave.

"Get me some pocky."

"Yes, Maaaster."

"File my toenails."

"Okay."

"Praise me."

"LOMG KIRA OMG YOUR SO AWESOME I LUFF YOU TO PIECES OMYGOD I'M GOING TO GLOMP YOU PLEASE LET ME BECOME YOUR PERSONAL SLAVE!! ;AJDFP OA WIRAWFAU WT9A U WPJKXKLGJHESRFNVX,CNWA ;EJOSDFAIJRELKAE JWPIHA PSGHF DSHADWER HGAN;LKASDF OIAJDPF OIJAS OKDJRO EIJUOA IUGOKSJD;AID HPAS ODIFGA KDJM;ALSK DHF JAO IGA; KFDJA;LSD TOMATE!"

"…"

--

Misa was beating up some evil hoe when I got home yesterday.

And I don't mean the gardening tool.

So then she was all like, " I helped Raito!! YAY!"

And I was all like, "STFU."

And she was all like, " Raito HATES MEEEEEE!!"

--

I'm not sure why she calls me Raito.

I don't really mind…

--

Mello can't sing.

But boy, can he rap.

"My name is Mello/I'm from Franchello/I'm a self-confessed chocoholic from da 'hood…"

"OMG! Rappage skillz!"

--

We tried to get him a record deal, but the record deal guys were all like, "You suck."

And we were all like, "WTF?"

So we beat them up.

With Beanie Babies.

It was true gangsta shweetness.

--

Why did L die?

Why didn't Matsuda, or someone less significant?

'Cause now there's no one for me to have lemony yaoi-ness with.

Sigh.

"It's okay, Light. I've lost Matt."

"…You mean…"

"Yeah, he was pretty good."

"…"

--

So then me and Mello had lemony yaoiness.

The fangirls packed the place.

I lost, like, all of my self esteem.

--

"What are you doing in my bathroom?"

"Going emo."

"No, not possible. Get out."

"I'm DEPRESSED!!"

"I DON'T CARE! BUY YOUR OWN FRICKIN' RAZOR!"

--

I was all, "OMG Near swore!!"

And Near was all, "Oh snapness!"

So I didn't get to go emo. –tear-.

So sad.

--

…

Boob!

"…"

"Do you _really_ want to go there?"

"…Yes?"

"-shoots-"

--

Matsuda is soooo dumb.

He thinks he's so gangster.

Riiiiight.

"y3770w!"

"STFU!!"

--

I'm alarmingly charming.

That's right.

Alarmingly charming.

--

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

"Fifty-seven."

"KIRA!!"

"…You're both wrong."

--

The answer…is…

Eleventeen!

"What the hell? That's not even a number!"

"Shut up and go make out with Gevanni."

"-blush- How did you know about that?!"

--

Ooh-hooo!

Near has a secret boyfriend!

" I DO NOT!"

"Who said that, then?"

"…Mello…"

"…"

--

I wish I had my own theme song.

'Cause then people would be like, "OMG, he's got a theme song, so he has to be importante!"

And then I'd be all important. Which would be so totally GANGSTA!

--

It's bananas!

B-a-n-a-n-a-s!

"B-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-s?"

"Near, you idiot."

--

Mikami is a secret perv.

Don't ask me how I know this…

Kira knows all.

Get over it.

--

"What are you doing under there?"

"Under…where?"

"HAHAHA, I made you say underwear!!"

"…Boob."

--

**Pure awesomeness.**

**Another Authoress Tidbit:**

**I'm VERY clumsy. At 5' 10" and a little bit, I trip over almost everything at least three times. By three times I've established that there's something there and I've got to step over it.**

**Woe is me…**

**Please do your duty as a reviewer and review this fic! Please! For truth! For justice! For this story to continue not having a plotline!**

**-konnichiwa watashi no rasuberri wo chichimuchimasu-**

**-****こんちわ****-****わたし****-****の****-****らすべり****-****を****-****ちちむちます****-**


	6. KIRA KIRA KIRA!

**Inside The Mind Of Light Yagami**

**Yes, I'm extrodinarily sorry that I haven't been updating any of my stories in like, forever…Aw, screw it, I'm just going to write this anyway. Who cares?**

--

Mikami is so…

Weird.

He's like a frickin' fangirl, ya know?

"KIRAKIRAKIRAKIRA!!"

"You know, Mikami, it's bad for my image if you keep yelling my name like that…"

"-tear-okay."

--

I so pwned Matt at MarioKart the other day.

He was all, "WTF, n00b!"

And I was like, "You just been pwned, suckah!"

Then Mello was like, "OMFG, pwnage?!"

And Matt was like, "Let's have hot yaoi lemonyness."

So we did.

--

It was hawt and yaoi-like.

Misa would be scared.

--

"Near, what's the probability that L was Kira?"

"…Your face."

"WTF? N00b."

--

FEAR ME AND MY N00B-CALLING SKILLAGE.

--

No one else can put their "FEAR ME"s in caps lock.

Why? Because I'm Kira.

And I can _kill_ y'all's.

"What?"

--

Ryuk somehow got hay fever.

Now he's all…snotty and stuff.

"Nice."

--

Transformers…Mello's in disguise!

Really, Mello's a girl.

But since there aren't any girl leaders in the Mafia (AN: Raito! How sexist of you! –shames-) he had to dress up like a guy.

"Do you really want me to shoot you repeatedly, until you flail pathetically and die?"

"…Er, no, that sounds painful."

"-grins- It is."

--

But then I reminded him about our hot yaoi lemonyness and he forgave me.

Forgave…

--

L is a boob.

That's right.

And now he's dead, so he can't do a thing about it.

This calls for an evil laugh.

Muah, hua, hua, hau, ahuaah, bua, ha, hmaha, ldkfja, a;jfa;oitfas;fjlk;ajf!

That's right.

"That was spastic."

"Shut up, Matt!"

--

Damn Near and his all-white emoness.

--

I caught L making out with Misa in the hallway.

I was all, "OMGZ! YOU CHEATER! –cries-"

And L was all, "This wasn't what it looks like,"

And Misa was all, "You man-hoe!"

And I was all, "Boob."

So we beat him up.

--

After we beat L up, though, the fangirls came and kicked our fannies all over the place.

They took L and glomped him until he passed out.

'Twas shweetness.

--

"Near, you're a sheep."

"…What?"

"You're a sheep."

"…Okay then."

--

Mikami's like, a creepy pedophile or something.

He doesn't smile, he _leers_.

And he watches wrestling.

"GOOO REY MYSTERIOOOO!! 619! 619!!"

"…What the hell's a 619?"

"-turns in awe- HIS SIGNATURE MOVE, DUUUUUUH!!"

"…I see."

--

Mikami's also started exclusively talking in capitals.

It irks me so.

"KIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"STFU, n00b!"

"…Why must you hurt me in this way?"

"L, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Mr. Loud Kira Proxy Crazy Attorney Twisted Childhood over there."

--

I walked into Matt and Mello having lemony goodness.

I was all, "LOL, can I have some?"

And they were like, "Sure, have some pie."

It was AWESOME pie.

The fangirls misread the memo, so we had a lemon pie bake sale.

Pure shweetness, I'm telling you.

--

I found an emoticon online.

It comes up whenever I type "I want some pie."

It's just full of pie-y gangstaness.

Can't touch this…

--

You know what really makes me mad?

Texas with a dollar sign.

Like this: Texa.

I'm like, WTF?

And Mello put it on his license plate, so everyone that drives around him's gonna be like, WTF?!

Texas does not deserve a dollar sign.

It deserves better.

It deserves…

Texaz.

Now that's what I call SHMEXY, peoples!

--

"LOMG!"

"What?"

"Shmexy's in the dictionary!"

"NO WAI!"

--

It was.

Shmexy:_Light Moon Unit Middle Name Yagami and his awesome skillage._

I was so happy, I resurrected Webster with a ham hock.

--

COLLARD GREENS, BAHBEH!!

--

Mello's theme song is SexyBack.

He sings it in the shower.

It's pure hilarity.

"I'm bringing shmexy back…"

--

Rem came back to life!

I saw her in the grocery store.

"Whatcha doin', Rem?"

"I'm buying apples for my new hubby Ryuk!"

--

I was all, "OMG NO WAI."

And she was all, "OMG YES WAI."

So we did the tarantella and stole all of Mello's chocolate so he'd spaz again.

--

It worked.

"WHERE IS MY FRICKIN' CHOCOLATE YOU FRICKIN' IDIOTS WHERE THE HELL I NEED MY CHOCOLATE GIVE ME CHOCOLAAAATTTEEEE!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!"

--

He broke my fridge.

It was a sad, sad day.

--

Matt let me wear his goggles for an hour.

They were all…orange and stuff, and smelled like cigarettes.

But _damn_, I looked hawt in them.

G4ng57ah hawt.

"y3770w, h4wt pwnage!"

"STFU!"

--

Matsuda needs to get over Misa.

He's all, "I luv misa, I'm going to tattoo her onto my left earlobe,"

And I'm all, "WTF, misa sux."

And then there was a total bi-atch slap fight.

Mello took pictures.

--

Watari changed his name to Fishbiscuits Sheryl!

L was all, "WTF?!"

So we had to do a chest bump, 'cos, you know, it's good for the fannage.

--

Butch slap!

--

I was listening to DCFC the other day, and Near came in.

"WTF are you doing listening to my awesome hawt CDs?"

"Becoming Emo Kira."

"DUUUUUUUDDDE! YOU CAN'T BE EMO KIRA!! I'M THE ONLY EMO ONE!"

I was all, "Okay, man."

Therefore, we chilled out to some tuneful music.

It was tuneful.

Moreover, mellow.

--

"PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JEEELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JEEEELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALLBAT! PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWITHABASEBALLBAT! NOW WHERE YOU AT, WHERE YOU AT…"

L enjoys singing karaoke.

I can't imagine why.

--

Mustn't is a very strange word.

--

Aizawa has an AFRO!!

He needs to get a dewrag and wear it all over the place.

Then he'd be gangsta.

But nooooo, he has to keep being some type of random police guy.

Jeezus H. Murphy.

What is wrong with these peoples? They're all…

So…

Non-gangsta.

--

L is such a pervert.

Yes, it's true.

Don't let him drool all over you.

L is such a pervert.

Yeah, you see,

Right now he's staring right at me.

L is quite a pervert.

Don't you know,

He gapes at all the ladies at the big show.

He's such a pervert.

For you and me,

The amount of perversion seems really crazy.

-A rap by Light Moon Unit Middle Name Yagami.

--

I sang that song to L.

He cried in joy, or maybe just because I'd kicked him in the family jewels.

Ah well, same thing.

--

BOOOOOOGERS!

--

Y'know when L was spinning around in his chair with the sweets?

He was singing.

"You spin me right round baby right rouuuunnnddd…"

After three hours of it, he fell off of his chair and puked his guts out.

It's on Youtube.

Check it.

--

Matt is a beast at bocce ball.

"OH SNAP, SEE THAT? THAT'S A TOUCH RIGHT THAR! PWNAGE!"

"You win. Get over it."

"GIVE ME YOUR MONEYS, Y'ALL! LOSERS!"

--

Kira is BOSS.

'Nuff said.

--

**Hopefully this has satiated your appetite for everything utterly stupid and Raito/Light related.**

**I need ideas, so review and send me your little e-plot bunnies.**

**Matt is a shmexy beast. And I say that out of fangirl love. I keep drawing him all over my homework…**

**It adds pizzazz to my day.**

**Pizzazz…**

**That is indeed funkytastic.**

**Authoress Tidbit No. 6 or something…**

**I am absolutely in love with In Rainbows (Radiohead's newest album), Pretty. Odd. (Panic at the Disco's new album) and Narrow Stairs (DCFC's new album). They're so awesome… I draw to DCFC, 'cos it's so mellow, and write to Pretty. Odd. 'cos the lyrics make no sense. Radiohead is too awesome to be used for such petty tasks.**

**And I'm cosplaying as L for some random day, maybe Hallowe'en…**

**Anyway, review. Or my seventh grade fanclub will come and demand Kanpai!'s second volume, which is really hard to track down when you don't live anywhere near a Barnes and Noble. It's indie manga.**

**L! WOO!**


	7. Randomness

Gangsta Genius

**Gangsta Genius.**

**I have no idea what chapter number this is, so I'm just going to start writing without a long intro/authoress babble.**

**Woo.**

**--**

Mikami is a pimp.

Yes, it's true.

I saw him in his outfit.

"WHOA! Mikami! What are you _wearing?!_"

"Hey. It's Mika now. I'm a pimp."

"…o.O"

--

So now his name is Mika.

LAME.

--

I walked in on Mello and L having lemony goodness.

I was all, "WTF? You're stealing my man!"

And Mello was all, "I'll fight you for him!"

So we beat each other up with Stratocasters.

And L got a bloody nose.

Twas pwningness almighty.

--

Near is a very messed-up child.

"What color is your hair?"

"White, like the vanishing polar bears and the color of my nonexistent soul…"

"…Damn, you're emo."

"I try."

--

HAWT PWNAGE, Y3770W!!

--

So my dad was trying to become a gangsta, you know?

He shaved his mustache and started wearing dewrags.

It was SCARY.

"Yo, yo, what's up homey G?!"

"…"

"Hammer time!"

"…"

--

Rem has tentacle hair.

"I do NOT!"

"Yes, you do. Look at it. It's…tentacley."

"-sob- Why must you hurt me?!"

--

I cackled in a very gangster fashion.

--

OH EM GEE.

L is really a fugitive guitar-eater from Spain who likes piña coladas!

"No, I'm not."

"You're not?"

"No, I most certainly am not. I've never eaten a guitar in my life."

"But do you like piña coladas?"

"…Yes, actually."

--

"Pants."

"Pants?"

"Pants…"

"Pants!"

"WTF?!"

--

My favorite song right now is Ice Cream And Cake by the Buckwheat Boys.

It is so GANGSTA.

"Icecreamandcakedotheicecreamandcake!!"

"What are you singing, o spastic one?!"

--

WHAT?!

L called me spastic?!

This calls for…

"Boob."

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

"U bin pwned, suckah!"

--

Misa is, like, so uncool.

Her pantyhose are all runny, and stuff…

Ick.

She's so gross.

She's got cooties.

Yeah, cooties.

"RAIIIIITTTOOOOO!!"

"Eep!"

--

The pimp formerly known as Mikami came into my house one day.

I was all, WTF?

And he was all, Hi, Kami.

And I was all, oh, yeah. You're Mikami.

And he was all, MIKA!

And I was all, okay, fine. Mika. What do you want?

And he was all, Lemony goodness, fo sho!

So we had lemony goodness and then I smacked him repeatedly with a hockey stick while singing a song called "Shoes."

--

"Mah spoon is too big!"

"…"

"Mah spoon is too BIG!"

"…"

"MAH spoon is too _big_!!"

"…"

"…"

"I am a baNANA!!"

"-blowdryer noise-."

--

Youtube is AMAZING.

You can find many informative videos on it.

You can also find a video of me trying to teach Matsuda how to swim.

I suck at swimming!

Who put that up there?!

--

"Light, you did try to teach me how to swim."

"LIES! LIES!"

"But you looked like a drowning cat."

"MORE LIES! MORE LIES!!"

"…-sweatdrop-."

--

I dared Mello to walk around all day with a bra on.

Matt got, like, sixty nosebleeds.

IT WAS HILARITY BEYOND DESCRIPTION.

--

Mah pants are mah thinking cap.

Ooooh snap.

RHYMAGE!

--

I watched Chris Crocker blink on Youtube.

I was amazed by the blinking pwnage.

"L, look at this."

"…Chris Crocker is blinking."

"I kno, right!?"

"…Stupid."

--

Transformers- Near's in disguise!

As what, you ask?

"…Would you just _shut up_?!"

"…No."

As a SHEEPY EMO THING!

"I'm not a thing."

"Well, I detest your guts severely."

"Ouch."

--

PWNED.

--

I need to buy a Shirley Temple costume so I can annoy elderly people by throwing pineapples at them.

But then Jerry the Christmas Cow will flying tackle me.

Hm…

Pineapples versus being tackled by a cow…

--

"OW! DAMN KIDS!!"

"Pineapples awaaaayyyy!!"

--

L is a gigantic unibrow.

"What?"

"You're a unibrow."

"I don't even have eyebrows! That makes no sense!!"

"So it would make sense if you had eyebrows?"

"NO!"

--

L's just in denial.

--

Takada is such an idiot.

I say that with the utmost respect.

Not.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ah…yeah.

--

I lead an epic life, fo sho.

--

**Epic?**

**No.**

**But certainly entertaining –smile-.**

**Please review, if you like yams and cabbage.**

**Not saying that you have to like cabbage to review. I personally think cabbage is beastly.**

**Read some other fics besides How To Torture Mello, okay?! PLEASE?!**

**Because now I can't write anything but that!**

**Oh, the hardships of being an authoress with mild webfame.**

**Very mild webfame, for that matter.**

**Woo.**


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